According to sources, Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal's wife threw him out of his house for entire night yesterday on burning issue of onion prices. The sweeper of Kapil Sibal's home said that Sibal was thrashed, slapped hard and punched before thrown out of house by his wife.

"Yesterday evening when Kapil Sibal came from his court hearings and party meetings, Promilaji (his wife) questioned him over rising onion prices. But Kapil Saahib said her that he is not the right authority to discuss on food prices, particularly onion prices. Those matters should be directly discussed with onion traders as the government has privatized onion selling many years back. When Promilaji told him that her housing budget has been squeezed for past few days because of continuous rise in onion prices, Sibal Saahib said that the government doesn't sell onions, it only sells Akash Tablets and food grains such as rice, wheat and daal at Rs1, 2 and 3 per kg, respectively. So stop asking these sorts of fucking questions and go to onion traders and ask them directly," said Kisanchand Yadav, a sweeper who was privy to the entire event.

Yadav said "Promilaji immediately slapped on Sibal Saahib's face, punched him hard on his mouth and asked him to leave immediately. She held him with his collar and told him that he could be a big hypocrite politician outside her house but inside she is Soniaji. Then she kicked him hard and threw out of house and told him stay here for entire night. Don't show me your bloody arrogant face again."

According to sources which include security guard, Kapil Sibal spent entire night sleeping on the staircase of house like a poor innocent kid. However, in the morning as soon as his road to enter in the house was cleared by his wife, he changed his innocent kid like face into same arrogant and careless politician.

India's Defence Minister AK Antony confirmed that China's encroachment in the Indian border of 640 sq km area is under Free Land Intrusion Scheme (FLIS) specially designed for the neighboring countries aimed to improve relations with them. He was addressing the media before his speech in Lok Sabha.

"FLIS is specially designed for neighbor countries to improve the relations with them. This was a landmark scheme introduced by UPA Government which will solve all border disputes. Under this scheme we offer our border land to neighbor countries. Currently, only China and Bangladesh are eligible for the scheme," said AK Antony.

He said that currently the government is in demo mode of the scheme and therefore it was not willing to disclose it in the public. AK Antony was talking about the recent media reports referring to National Security Advisory Board's observation that China has captured 640 sq km of Indian territory in Daulat Beg Oldie and other sectors in Ladakh. The neighbor country is not allowing patrolling to Indian army in the occupied area.

"As the scheme is under demonstration stage we maintained very high confidentiality and never discussed with Indian Army therefore all this confusion is. But we are very sure that the cross border terrorism is now a matter of time with introduction FLIS," said AK Antony.

Talking about the benefits of FLIS, AK Antony said "Border disputes are very sensitive issue and the media always sensationalize it and therefore we decided to launch an innovative scheme. Under this scheme, all our neighbor countries are welcome to capture the land in India for free of charge but with a condition that they will have to maintain good relations with us. Now if China wants New Delhi, they can come and take over it we have no issues. Only thing is that the country has to maintain peaceful and good relations with India."

The minister said currently China and Bangladesh are getting these special benefits while Pakistan and other countries are out of its ambit.

"Pakistan has requested for these benefits and asked us to give Kashmir to them. But they are still non committal about giving us most favored nation (MFN) status and improving ties," said AK Antony.

Answering questions of reporters whether neighbor countries are eligible for the benefits of land acquisition bill, AK Antony said "Yes they are eligible. If any industrialist wants to set up factory on the land encroached by our beloved neighbor it will have to pay 4 times the market value of the land."

Following the lines of successful Parliament session on Wednesday, Times Now Anchor Arnab Goswami decided to meet all the panelists 1 hour before the debate so that it would reach to at least some conclusion. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh on Monday had called opposition leaders LK Advani, Sushma Swaraj and Arun Jaitley requesting them to stop shouting and rhetoric so that session would be conclusive and passes at least few pending bills.

"I am inspired. I am inspired the way UPA Government shut the mouths of its opposition leaders, cleared the pending Pension Bill and took the entire session to some final result. So, without politicizing it I want to call all the panelists in front of me before the debate starts and ask them to accept whatever I comment upon or whatever judgment I give without shouting or creating noise. I want to make every debate achieve a final result," said Arnab Goswami.

Arnab is charged for creating unnecessary rhetoric and pushing some inconclusive debates on his audiences. Many have committed suicides just because he could not reach to any conclusion and let the question remain unanswered.

"That's ridiculous. My Pappa had a severe heart attack a day before when he was waiting for a result in Vanzara's letter debate. He thought that panelists would agree at least on a point that either Modi should be arrested or Congress is creating conspiracy against him, but the entire debate on Vanzara's letter was utterly confusing and indecisive," said Pappu Pandey who along with his father everyday watches News Hour on Times Now with a lot of hopes.

Arnab refused to take blame on himself that he is not competent to carry the entire debate and reach to a point.

"I don't agree that I can't carry out debates properly. It is the panelists who don't accept my remarks. They only dodge and divert my attention to something else. Therefore, I have decided right now to manmohan (meaning: to meet) all panelists before the debate and strictly ask them that even if they want to shout during the debate they are allowed but all of them will have to agree whatever I am saying and reach to a point that I give. Why can't they bjping (meaning: to reach at a conclusion even if you don't agree)?"

India's Prime Minister Dr. Manmohan Singh found loudly crying, sobbing and literally lamenting in the bathroom after he completed his speech in the Parliament, according to sources who were present there at the time of incidence.

"Just after he came from Lok Sabha, he immediately started crying loudly, roaring like an animal, mourning himself for what not reasons, even he forgot to remove his specs when he was splashing his face hard with cool water," said Manishankar, head of sweepers of Lok Sabha toilets.

Dr. Manmohan Singh gave a speech on falling rupee and worsening economic condition in the Lok Sabha after a lot of insistence by opposition parties. However, he immediately left the session after he completed his speech, leaving the opposition leaders clueless.

"That was his arrogance. Rather than answering opposition leader's queries he left the session," said BJP leader Yashwant Sinha unknown to the fact.

 "Just when he entered in the bathroom, he immediately started slapping himself, abusing for his soft stand on economy and grumbling over his silent approval to food security and land acquisition bill. I saw him saying that how can he deviate from the basic fundamental economic principles just because Madamji told. He also said that this way he was not just cheating India but his economics and also to Madamji who doesn't understand a single word of logic let forget economics. Then he started crying loudly, roaring and thrashing mirror," said the eye witnesses of the entire incident, sweepers Manish and Kapil. 

It is strange but true. Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi is working on the right policy for Indian economy to revive it in next 20-25 years, said a senior Congress leader.

"He is drafting a policy that will be comprehensive, inclusive and best for the Indian economy. It will lead us to a high growth trajectory that we wanted since last 60 years," said Congress General Secretary Digvijay Singh.

Digvijay Singh was talking about Rahul's talent in economic policy making and drafting best possible financial framework.

"He himself had drafted food security bill, NREGA bill and restaurant bill in Shetty's Restaurant," said Digvijay Singh who told that that Shetty was aam aadmi who wanted to understand how the micro economic policy framework attracts more and more customers in his restaurant.

"Rahul suggested him of embossing Soniaji's photo on restaurant bills and rename his Hotel Durga Prasad to Rajiv Gandhi Sasta Khana Sthal and see the way his business gets boost. Now his hotel is a great example for people who want to turnaround their sagging business successfully," said Digvijay Singh. He said that the time when Shetty embossed Sonia's photo and renamed the hotel to Rajiv Gandhi the business saw a robust growth as everybody came to the restaurant with expectations of cheap food.

Digvijay Singh said "He is going to implement same policies in the Indian economy. As a first step to long term stability of Indian economy, he advised us to rename India as 'Rajiv Gandhi Country With Free Offers' to attract foreign director investors who are searching for cheap destination to park their money. It will reduce current account deficit and boost rupee. Even Finance Minister P Chidambaram was shocked with his knowledge of economy." 

Tired after so much of ruckus over his sexual assault case, Asaram Bapu decided to visit Mars for few days. The so-called godman will reside at his villa for next 1-2 months.

"Bapuji wanted to rejuvenate after ordinary people started staring at him as rapist. Therefore, he decided to visit Mars for 1-2 months. He will send his video clips with chants and mantras directly from the mars for all of you," as per a press release by Asaram Bapu's Ashram.

Asaram Bapu has recently accused in sexual assault case of minor. The case has attracted talks from all the sections of country and questioned the authenticity of godmen. Frustrated and irritated by the protests from all the sections as well as FIR of Police, Bapu finally decided to have some chill out picnic to some other planet, said the unconfirmed source in the ashram. He told that Asaram Bapu owns crores of acres of land in different planets and resides in beautiful villas.

 

Asaram Bapu's Villa at mars

"Bapuji's villa in Mars is just next to the Bungalow of Paramahamsa Nithyananda who is also staying over there for last few years," said the source.

The source said that tonight Bapuji will enter a tunnel in the back yard which will directly take him to Mars.

Ex-Investment Banker Pappu Pandey finally receives his Blue Ration card that will help him in claiming benefits of food security scheme. Pappu Pandey left his high paid job and had applied for the below poverty line (BPL) status in April 2013.

"Thanks to my municipal corporator who helped me getting precious 'Blue Ration card' (indication of poorest of poor person) for just 25000 rupees. Now I can enjoy unstoppable esteemed service of Government and middle class Indians throughout my life," said Pappu Pandey.

Pappu said he is very happy as entire middle class in the nation along with rich people will work for him.

"That's a great feeling. I never wanted to work and waste my time to bring sweat to my body. It was great idea that somebody is working for me so that I will not sleep empty stomach. I would love to remain as a poor for rest of my life," said Pandey.

Talking about the entire process, Pappu Pandey said "It is very easy process. I transferred my properties to a charitable trust owned by my maid. I resigned from my job and met our municipal corporator who guaranteed me that blue ration card would get for around 25000 rupees. Now I have it. I initially thought to transfer my residential address to footpath but corporator said that it was not necessary. He also told me to construct a slum so that I will get free residence as well."

Pandey also suggested the ideas like marriage with servant will help in applying for blue ration card.

The UPA government had recently thrashed the idea of creating more and more jobs and attracting investments in various industries as a very long route to empower poor. The government said that food security bill will shorten the duration of sharing ultimate benefits to poor.

"We are more conclusive this time. Why waste energy in creating employment and attract investment? It is always easier and shorter route to channelize money from one's pocket to poor. See with this policy the poor will get food without doing anything. So rather than asking him to work and earn money for food we will directly put it in his pocket so what is the harm in this policy," said Food Minister KV Thomas.

However, Thomas expressed concerns over BJP stalling Parliament to stop the bills to be introduced. But Pappu Pandey said that now he is not worried about when bill will be passed in the Parliament as he knows till the Congress Party exists in India, pro-poor policies will continue forever.

"Thanks to Congress Party and its Bharat Nirmaan project, now I am eligible for food security. I am not worried about BJP's time pass in the Parliament because I know that someday the bill will be passed and I will get food for almost free of cost," said Pappu Pandey.

UPA Government is planning to bring 'Law against people with Anti-Poor sentiments' that will enable Indian law makers to punish people who oppose any of government's policies. According to sources, UPA ministers have passed the bill in the cabinet and likely to bring ordinance before winter session of Parliament.

"This is fuck! Any roadside guy comes on media and bashes on government's policies which are always pro-poor. Rather than getting appreciation, these people call us corrupt and stupid for introduction of such policies. That's rubbish. Now we are making it compulsory to all Indians and foreigners to appreciate our policies otherwise face the severe punishment under Law for Anti-Poor," said Telecom Minister Kapil Sibal.

According to sources, Congress Party President Sonia Gandhi set up a high level commission under Kapil Sibal, Salman Khurshid and Ajay Maken to study whether the government can stop anti-poor elements from bashing on government's policies. The sources said that Congress Party is the only party in the world that has synchronized its work with Indian poor for past 60 years. However, the government thinks that some stupid media channels and self called experts and intellectuals had always underrated its policies.

"Nobody in the history of mankind has served poor with so much of flawless love and dedication as much as Congress did. We want to continue to serve poor for at least next 1000 years. Madamji wants to give poor so much of comfort and free money that he would never say he wants to become rich. She wants a situation that poor would like to remain a poor for life. As Rahulji correctly said being poor is just a state of mind and that what we strive to change, we want to change the state of mind of poor," said Ajay Maken.

Maken said "But we have faced severe opposition from people who sits in AC cabin and had never visited poor man's house what Rahulji usually does. Therefore, finally we decided to bring this legislation so that poor will not remain deprived of UPA government's policies."

According to sources, the Act has provision of severe punishment to accused who opposes government's policies in public using his mouth or in his mind by using thought or in his brain through idea. The Act has also included punishment to opposition party leaders who always tried to stand still UPA's pro-poor policies.

"Just yesterday I showed photos of two poor people to Madamji and what I found was tears coming out of her eyes. Now enough is enough, we can't wait to implement this law. Whoever now will oppose her visionary ideas will be considered as anti-poor," said Salman Khurshid.

Finally after years of torture to Indian politicians, particularly MPs and ministers of UPA Government, India's finance minister decided to charge 'shouting tax' on Times Now editor-in-chief Arnab Goswami with retrospective effect. The government is also planning to bring Anti-Shouting Bill in the next session of Parliament to shut mouths of other Indians and opposition leaders.

"This will be a good for our tax kitty," said Congress MP and one of the victims of Arnab Goswami's shouting torture Mr. Bhakta Charan Das.

He said that the tax will cover the bizarre kind of interruptions and rhetoric created by Arnab in the name of the nation.

"We really want to thank Mr. P Chidambaram for penalizing him with shouting tax. This is the only way to save politicians and take some money in the system. It was highly irritating when he used to shout on us, constantly interrupting while we were talking some sense. How can this guy stops us from fooling the nation? How so ridiculous! He was tarnishing our birth right of fooling Indians," said Sanjay Jha, Congress Spokesperson.

P Chidambaram confirmed that Arnab Goswami was constantly shouting since many years, adding to the noise pollution and needs to be taxed on retrospective basis.

"We will calculate all the decibels of his noises, interruptions he made between the talks of our sensible and intelligent leaders and will slap shouting tax on him. As there is no law on noise pollution created for human voices, we decided to introduce this new kind of tax in current Parliamentary session," said P Chidambaram.

Chidambaram said "Because of Arnab's shout we already have lost crores of rupees in carbon credit and that deficit he will have to pay. After Goswami, I want to bring many others under its ambit through Anti-Shouting Bill."

India's chain of restaurants Mainland China and Café Coffee Day (CCD) decided to open a chain of restaurant at Indian border, as growing Chinese intrusion opens up immense opportunities for food related business.

"We initially propose to open 25 restaurants and food outlets across the border from Ladakh to Arunachal Pradesh. We will offer them quality food so that they will feel homely," said Speciality Restaurants Chairman Susim Mukul Datta. Speciality Restaurants owns Mainland China brand.

Datta claimed that food at Mainland China is at par with Chinese food and Speciality Restaurants has already started campaigning of its brands in major Chinese cities.

"They can bring their families and citizens of other parts of China," said Datta "We will be ready by year end to serve them best Chinese dishes which they have never tasted in their country."

Chinese troops recently visited Arunachal Pradesh border. However, the visit lasted for 2 days only after they found lack of quality restaurants. Experts said that the illegal incursion offers huge opportunities for Indian food as well as retail industry. A recent Mckinsey report suggests that the market size across border is around $2bn and growing at 100% year on year.

"It is difficult to estimate the market size for the industry related to border as the incursion is the new buzz word for the country. However, we have done detailed study on Chinese food habits and their spending habit which gives us an awesome figure of $2bn," said Prakash Mishra, an analyst of Mckinsey.

The Mckinsey team is also working on the size of the market near Line of Control with Pakistan, from Gujarat to Kashmir.

Another chain of restaurants, Café Coffee Day is also working on plan to offer its different variety of food and coffee flavours to Chinese troops and their citizens.

"We identified this area where we feel that we can lead the market," said CCD in its press release.

The chain of restaurants clearly mentioned that Chinese habit to drink a lot of coffee would assure great returns to stakeholders and also much needed foreign currency to India.

Other food joints like McDonalds, Domino's Pizza and Starbucks have took a cautious stance and said that they are keenly watching the developments across the border and will make major announcements soon.

Lashkar-e-Taiba terrorist Abdul Karim Tunda requested Delhi Jail Authorities to arrange special screening of crime flick Once Upon Ay Time In Mumbai Dobaara (OUATIMD) according to sources in Delhi Jail.

"Tunda is always thrilled about the Indian crime stories and obsessed about the retro style herogiri chaap mafias. He said that watching OUATIMD will help him learn more about Dawood Ibrahim," said a constable in Delhi Jail. The authorities confirmed Tunda's demand and asked movie producer Balaji Motion Pictures to arrange a special screening.

Tunda's demand has immense significance as the movie was already watched by Mafia King Dawood Ibrahim in Pakistan.

"It opens up a bigger untapped audience in Pakistan for Bollywood producers," said retired Director and Bollywood expert, Mahesh Bhatt "We will love to make movies for wider audience like terrorists, criminals and Talibanis." Mahesh Bhatt also congratulated Ekta Kapoor, the movie producer for her great efforts on the script and the originality of the idea like love triangle of criminals and mafias.

According to sources, Tunda told jail authorities that he heard OUATIMD was the most original movie in the history of Indian cinema, however, banned in Pakistan and therefore decided to personally visit in India to watch the movie.

"Tunda confirmed us that he himself decided to hand him to us so that he could watch the movie," said the source.

The movie was not just popular among all the criminals but also among Indians and Pakistanis (downloaded through torrents). According to an independent survey agency Balaji Motions Survey, OUATIMD is the only movie that covered Dawood's life extensively. The surveyor claims that 99% Indians believe that OUATIMD was best crime movie in the Indian history and all others were rubbish. The surveyor also claimed that Dawood Ibrahim in Pakistan personally saw the movie and gave it 5 stars.

"Audience also compared OUATIMD with other crime related sagas like Chennai Express and gave 6 stars against 5 stars. Now Tunda's demand for a special screening of the movie means real payout to the efforts of director and producers of the film," said Ekta Kapoor, Chief Surveyor of Balaji Motions Survey.

Ekta Kapoor said "I congratulate the movie producer Ekta Kapoor and say thanks to her, bowing my head down for bringing such a fantabulous art in front of the Indian audience. I request her to continue this kind of efforts for the well being of criminals, an underrated audience of Indian movies."

Indian Government decided to impose 125% duty on Chennai Express turnover, after the movie made huge box office collections. The government intends to reduce fiscal deficit and to fund the falling rupee by slapping a 'Loose Entertainment Tax' on movies like Chennai Express. While the step was welcomed by sensible people, Chennai Express producers slammed it as a move that will hurt investments in Bollywood. According to a government circular released late last night, Chennai Express producers will have to pay 125% of revenue they make from the movie. The revenue includes revenue from box office collection, satellite rights, audio rights and whatever they collect in other ways. It means if producers make 200 crore rupees, they will have to pay 250 crore rupees to the government.

"Our intention is clear; better utilize Indian human resources in more productive way than wasting time and money on stupid things like watching Chennai Express. I seriously have issues on people wasting time for 3 hours which is not going to add anything positive to the economy and instead it will add to the deficit and rupee devaluation. The UPA Government always favoured one policy, 'work hard, suck hard, chew hard and then shift that product of middle class to poor'. We have never deviated from this policy. Earlier we tried to curb stupid spending on gold, then TV sets and now on senseless movie tickets," said India's Finance Minister P Chidambaram. Chidambaram confirmed that he watched the movie on weekend and felt that it was seriously nonsensical and unproductive weekend.

The government on Monday evening slapped a 10% Customs duty and 12.5% countervailing duty on buying of TV sets from abroad, as part of its efforts to discourage import of non-essential items and reduce the current account deficit that has put enormous pressure on the rupee. The duty on movies like Chennai Express is next step to mobilize human resources to more productive work like late sitting in the office, work from home, over time and don't bother to work on Sundays as well. The government said it will take the move forward on case to case basis and will be applied only on movies making more than 100 crore rupees.

"We will identify waste of time and energy movies. That only will give us huge amount in terms of taxes and efficiency. So movies like Krrish 3 and Dhoom 3 can come under the gambit," said Chidambaram.

Few experts were happy that the government is cracking down the unproductive stuff like watching movies. However, they also demanded that people who use their time wasting on Twitter for bashing government on its policies rather than promoting to wide population should also come under the ploy.

"This will improve productivity and fuel growth," said an observer, Sanjay Jha in his twitter account. He also tweeted "Put some tax on twitteraties who waste their time on bashing government and #pappu."

The development however, criticized by Chennai Express producers and directors and both tweeted that the tax will be detrimental to investment in bollywood movies.

"I apologize to the people of India for making such hopeless movie. But paying 125% tax is not the punishment. This is Gandhian country and you always have to forgive people who make mistakes. By offering such offensive measure, the government will stop people investing in me and more directors like me," said Chennai Express director Rohit Shetty.

Benefits from imposing duty on Chennai Express

With a firm determination to change, the New India (a composition of young and old Indians) confirmed that it will be more and more abusive and radical towards 'people' who are biased and hypocrite. The people include politicians and media persons who for years fooled Indians living in old India.

"The significance of New India comes after the torture faced by Old India which didn't have access to social media and real time news and debates. The old India always deprived from the truthful news and firm opinions from the people who can talk reality. Lack of proper platform to debate and argue against the hypocrisy and lies was another issue. But today the New India has everything, it has thinking power, it has platform to debate and it has clever mind that differentiates good and evil. The new India is with a powerhouse that will never tolerate the hypocrisy showed by media journalists, powerful thinkers and stupid politicians," said Rajat Bedi, one of the representatives of new India.

The new India has also been alleged by great media journos like Rajdeep Sardesai that it is abusive and impatient which also led him to feel that now India is finished. Taking all the allegations as complements, Rajat Bedi said that the new India has to be abusive and radical as it has always been stopped from pointing out what was fair.

"We never saw a fair view point from media. The media which was courageous enough to cover Gujarat riots in 2002, showed its back when it came to Mumbai Azaad Maidaan riots, J&K Kishtwar issue and Assam riots. When the media has now answers and still wants to continue with same mechanism rather than change itself, it has to face the ire from this new India which is impatient for change," said Rajat Bedi.

He said that there was no sense talking about politicians which are by default statue-of-hypocrisy. He also firmly believes that abuse is nothing but the flow of torture that old India faced after the social pillars fooled them.

He said "I accept that new India is a bit abusive but I believe that it will continue. I feel the new India is a bit impatient for a change. It is waiting for better governance, full transparency and development. Till date all intellects accepted his dumbness now everyone has to acknowledge his speaking power." 

Congress President Sonia Gandhi's son-in-law, Robert Vadra has purchased 50,000 tons of onion at Rs 15 per kg yesterday, said sources in the Congress Party. The shocking news is likely to rock Parliament for next entire session, possibility of hauling important bills like Food Security.

"Robert purchased 50 thousand tons of onion for Rs 15 per kg yesterday when the market rate was around Rs 80 per kg and expected to go at least to Rs 100 per kg from D L Falero, a Gurgaon based onion trader," said a senior leader of Congress Party, requesting his name to keep confidential.

The leader said that Vadra will sell onion step by step in next few months at an average of Rs 100 per kg. The onion has kept in the godowns of Food Corporation of India (FCI) for free of cost, using his contacts. According to the leader, D L Falero provided an unsecured loan to Robert for purchasing the onion.

The leader said "We are not aware about the real reason for selling onion at such a low rate to Robert plus providing loan to purchase it."

According to sources, Vadra used contacts of Sonia Gandhi for purchasing the onion at almost free of cost. The sources also added that CAG has already seized accounts of D L Falero and found that D L Falero has given an unsecured loan of Rs 75 lakhs to Vadra at free of cost. The CAG has estimated that windfall gains from onion deal will be at least Rs 425 crore.

CAG Estimates On Onion Deal

The development will rock the Parliament and outside Parliament as both BJP and Aam Aadmi Party are going to protest against Vadra and Congress President.

"I can't believe that Damadji is involved in onion deal. We will raise this issue in the Parliament," said Sushma Swaraj, opposition leader of Lok Sabha.

Aam Aadmi Party Supremo, Arvind Kejriwal said "I will go through all the news papers. Collect the data for next month and after 6 months we will make a shocking news that Robert Vadra was involved in onion deal."

In a bold attempt that will restore faith of people in Indian journalism, Times of India (TOI) reporter entered highly dangerous and life threatening Ahmedabad city in Gujarat. The brave reporter clicked few photos and wrote a big story showing the reality of the life in the worst city of India. Honouring the reporter, TOI covered his story on Saturday's front page.

"It was really life threatening experience for me. Nobody in India wants to go to terrible Ahmedabad. Every journalist fears about the barbarian Ahmedabad city and the way they kill innocent people, visitors and journalists. It is just like one of the dreaded cities in Somalia," said India's leading news paper Times Of India journalist Parth Shastri who covered one of the important news on Saturday.

Brave Reporter Parth Shastri

The journalist visited Ahmedabad, which is famous for communal violence and serial killings. Also the city is totally underdeveloped and the people there live in barbarian lifestyle. The city is one of the only few cities in Gujarat that is managed by 'maut ka saudagar' Narendra Modi, informed a source in the Indian media circle.

"I saw only few shopping malls and highways. There are hardly 10s of cinema theaters, also not all the people travel by cars. They use cheap public transport vehicles like buses, auto rickshaws and taxis. Such a dreadful lifestyle I haven't covered in my life. Just look at the story which I brought in front of the world, that one insane management of shopping mall charged 20 rupees from a minority community," said Shastri.

According to journalists association, no media reporter has ever visited Gujarat or specifically Ahmedabad since last 11 years due to fear of life. Therefore people of other parts of India were totally unaware about the situation in Gujarat. However, with the courage of Parth Shastri who covered in and out of Ahmedabad, the association believes that many people will now dare to go to Gujarat.

"That was really brave efforts, even media persons like Rajdeep and Barkha should learn few lessons from Parth. We salute Parth for visiting Ahmedabad and showing us barbarian act of Gujarat Government," said a press release of journalists association.

According to sources, TOI owner Vineet Jain personally recommended editor for covering the story on front page. UPA Government is planning to nominate Parth Shastri to Padma awards.

While on one hand the case regarding suspension of Durga Shakti Nagpal has taken rampant, on the other side Indian public started process of forgetting her.

"It is subtle process. We steadily and gradually started forgetting Durga Nagpal and waiting for some new subject of national interest for discussion," said representative of Indians, Pappu Pandey.

Pappu Pandey's statement has significance in conjunction with the monsoon session of Parliament is getting started. Pappu expects many new issues will come in the session and steadily he will lose his attention on Durga Nagpal case.

"That is bound to happen. Some new issue will come and I will lose my focus on Durga Nagpal. Now I think I am ready to start forgetting Durga Shakti Nagpal," said Pappu.

Samajwadi Party Chief Minister Akhilesh Yadav confirmed that he is also closely monitoring the intensity of the issue discussed on Twitter, Facebook as well as other social media platforms.

"First media starts discussion on the topic then intellects and social activists express their opinion after which opposition starts condemning us and thereafter Bollywood starts protesting and few protesters come with candle lights and finally next subject comes and everybody forgets the issue," said Akhilesh Yadav explaining the entire process of forgetting.

He said "Now as even filmy personalities have started talking about Durga Nagpal topic so that means we are at final stages of the process of forgetting."

According to experts, the idea is to never carry burden of sadness with you and change with dynamic world.

"This is surely in line with my earlier observation that people have short memories," said expert Sushil Kumar Shinde.

He said "I am damn sure that they will forget Durga Nagpal as well."

Process of Forgetting

India's largest toothpaste selling brand and recommended by all the dental doctors, Colgate has developed a new range of toothpastes which removes all teeth from the mouth of users. The new toothpaste is branded under 'Colgate Active Teeth Remover' and will cater under premium range of its toothpaste products.

Colgate's Managing Director, Prabha Parameswaran said "We are happy with the innovation and the product will be launched in the next month. This is the great achievement for the company as it is first of its kind in the world and our team feels pride in saying that even Colgate's global operations will also launch the toothpaste globally."

Company said that the toothpaste was made for people who really get pissed off cleaning teeth every day. The idea was to tap that public.

"Instead of wasting your time on immensely boring exercise, just remove them once and for all. We are going to use 'Naa rahega baas naa bajegi baasuri' as a slogan to our campaign," said Prabha.

She said "Now no issues of sensitivity, no problems of gum and plaque, even I would like to say that the users will never feel pain in their tooth. Use Active Teeth Remover and you will find your teeth will be uprooted within few seconds."

Colgate's India division has developed a new formula that eradicates teeth from their roots. However, the company in its press release said that using Active Teeth Remover once is not sufficient and requires to be used twice in a week.

"It is similar like beard which grows after every two days and requires a cut more frequently. Problem with teeth is similar, they start growing every next two days. If you want to maintain your teeth free smile you have to use Active Teeth Remover after every two days," said Prabha.

Congress Vice President Rahul Gandhi seeks a serious makeover in his poll strategy, after Narendra Modi is getting more and more attention from media. Gandhi Scion asked his advisors and speech writers to write speeches which are very controversial in their nature.

"Boss, this is depressing yaar, no news paper has covered me for last one month while Modi is everywhere. I talked with my PR agency and it advised me to make few controversial speeches and give very rude interviews with bashing on some communities or some person," said Rahul Gandhi in an exclusive interview with the India Satire correspondent.

After UP elections, hardly any media channel and news paper covered Rahul Gandhi.  According to sources, Rahul realized that media always demand controversies, some time pass material to discuss on prime time programs and headlines for breaking news. However, since last many years Rahul was not able to provide any great headline leading to many channels and news papers stopped covering him.

Rahul Gandhi's PR agency, Tapco's spokesperson confirmed that Rahul needs to change his strategy drastically. Rather than mushi-mushi kind of guy he should come out as a strong man like Robinhood for the sake of secularism.

"Rahul Baba requires a serious make0ver. He has been never considered as a powerful man due to his soft and innocent kid like nature. We want to change this. Baba now should look like angry young man with immense Secular Power to save secularists from communal forces. This requires him to get some media attention and for that we require him to read few controversial speeches," said Tarik Sayyed, spokesperson of Tapco.

Sayyed confirmed that Rahul conveyed the message to his Mummy Sonia Gandhi who gave him go ahead to whatever he wants to do.

"Rahul Baba is in talks with his advisory panel of Digvijay Singh, Ahmed Patel and Manish Tewari to collect data of different controversies affect Indian psyche. He has also asked his close aide and blogger Sanjay Jha to write 'atomic bomb' like speeches," said Sayyed.